猫哥，我这样写大学联系信可以吗？

falling_ever

My name is XX. I am writing to inquire whether I have the qualification to apply for Master of XX in XX FH.
    I am a graduate of XX University in XX,China. My major is XX. I have, for years, set my destination of further study in Germany, not only for the high level education offered by Universities in Germany, but also for experiencing the precise and meticulous German style throughout the process of study, research, and work with German people. Therefore, I found that the Master of XX in Aachen FH for the 2011 Summer semester, which is among one of the best universities in Germany, is so suitable for me that I would give my entire endeavor to be admitted into it.
    In terms of my suitability to the program, I have three points of view to state. First, Majoring in XX, I have acquired sufficient background knowledge of XX during my undergraduate years and have achieved an high average score (80/100) of all the courses I have taken. And I have gained the APS certificate. Second, with almost all English immersed teaching and studying environment throughout my college study, I found in myself the great improvement of the comprehensive ability of English which can also be exemplified by my good IELTS result (6.5). I am confident that I have no problem dealing with English in academics. Besides, I have learned German for 600 course hours.Third, with considerable enthusiasm in doing XX and a strong adherence to my goal, I will always be inspired to offer continuous efforts in studying the program.
    I am going to continue my German language From September 2010 to Febuary 2011 and then take the Dsh examination. Do I have the qualification to apply for Master of XX in XX FH for the 2011 Summer semester?

猫哥，还要补充什么或者改点什么吗？谢谢~~

amor_cat

太长了

精简一下吧