【求助】请诸位帮忙看看简历和Motivation Letter格式及内容，这样写能顺利拿到签证

毛明志

RESUME

[RIGHT]Class 05940712
Logistics School
XXXXXXXXX University
Beijing, 101149
P. R. China  
E-mail: mmtiger2008@163.com
Tel: +86(10) XXXXXXXX
Mobile Phone: +86-XXXXXXXX[/RIGHT]


BASIC PERSONAL INFORMATION
Family Name: XXX
First Name: XXX
Date Of Birth: 11 Aug, 1986
Sex: male
Marital Status: single
Birthplace: Pengzhou city, Sichuan Province, P.R. China
Nationality: Chinese
Place Of Residence: Beijing
Health: Excellent

EDUCATION
09.2005 ---- present  XXXXXXXXX University
Logistics School
Major: Logistics Management
Degree: Candidate for Bachelor of Management
Honors: Commissary in charge of studies
University Scholarships for one year
09.1999 ---- 07.2005  XXXXXXX Middle School (a combined junior and senior high school)
Honors:  Class President
Three Goods Student
Outstanding Student Cadre
09.1993 ---- 07.1999  XXXXXXX Second Central Primary School
Three Goods Student
09.1992 ---- 07.1993  in kindergarden
08.1986 ---- 09.1992  stay at home

LANGUAGES
Sichuan Dialect: Native speaker
Chinese (Putonghua or Mandarin): Excellent
English:  CET6. Fluente in oral English
German: Novices. I am studying on it right now.

ADDITIONAL PERSONAL INFORMATION
1.        Hobbies include:
Sports: Basketball
Literature: Chinese classic literature

2.        I am a frequent user of Microsoft Word, Microsoft Excel and Microsoft Powerpoint.


Personal Statement（motivation letter ）


Motivation  Letter

[RIGHT]Class 05940712
Logistics School
XXXXXXXXX University
Beijing, 101149
P. R. China  
E-mail: mmtiger2008@163.com
Tel: +86(10) XXXXXXXX
Mobile Phone: +86-XXXXXXXX[/RIGHT]

To whom it may concern:

Germany is great, as well as its people. Among the celebrities in the history of German, Ludwig van Beethoven is my favorite with no doubt. He was a man of strong will, and still sang the praises of happiness even when he was ,by himself, endured the sadness and hurts that one cannot imagine today. I am always motivated by his incomparable spirit, and that’s why I keep my way whenever difficulties or, maybe worse, disasters happen to me. He is my hero, and the origin of my courage and confidence.

And today, I am very happy to seize the chance to study in Germany for half an year more or less. I really appreciate that my university gave me the precious opportunity to look into the great land and its people in close distance. And I also find that Berufsakademie Loerrach, where I will study in Germany, is a good place to study, especially to my major, Logistic Management. Its Department of Forwarding, Transport and Logistics was founded in 1982, having a history as long as ours. Due to its geographical location in the 3-border area of Germany, Switzerland and France and the number of forwarding, transport and logistics companies in the area, Loerrach is an ideal location for an industry that has traditionally had an international focus. Due to this fact they have attracted logistics students from all over Germany and the neighbouring countries, and now, as well as we Chinese logistics students.

Besides the advantages of its geographical location, the way of teaching in Berufsakademie Loerrach attracts me as well. Generally speaking, as I find in the quotation from Céline Levasseur, a French student:
"I appreciate my time spent at the University of Cooperative Education in Loerrach. Practical and theoretical semesters are well-coordinated and subject matter is taught with an orientation to real-time practice. Small classes make a concentrated and cooperative learning experience possible. Students and professors are friendly and help out with any language problems that arise." I do appreciate the methods of teaching, and I do believe it will help me a lot in conversion speculative knowledge to practical ability. I am looking forward to the conversion very much.

The competition in future will be at international level and enterprises need employees with global vision. I really believe the experience in Berufsakademie Loerrach will open an gate which leads me to a better understanding on logistics, and global economy. It will play an important role in my career life. Furthermore, it will have a long sustained effect on my life. So my family and I both cherish the hard-won opportunity and want to make it. And my family will offer powerful financial support for me to complete the program.

Finally, I promise I will be back to china within the stipulated time. Beethoven is not a liar, nor am I. And then I will prepare for my diploma paper and find a job in china where I was born and love deeply.

Sincerely,
XXX XXX

臭臭笨笨

:bizui: 个人简历的时间最后那个有点糊涂,最好还是从小学到大学的顺序来写,记住时间要衔接上.再有就是三好生和班长的那个就不必写了,最好突出大学.楼主可以在个人语言能力前面写上自己在大学的荣誉.这样单独分出来不会夹在时间中感觉混乱.而你的个人的电脑能力就可以融入这段描述你大学荣誉的话里.还有就是些语法错误(大致看了下)如果可以找同学给你改,能找出你看不见的错误.
简历和个人动机的标题应该置中间,因为你的写的不是信,不能按信的格式来写.动机的称呼不对,因为你就是给签证处的人看的,最基本的就是"亲爱的先生/女士"

臭臭笨笨

:chijing: 写机动不是GRE写作,孰我直言.楼主的机动信我基本没耐心看.别忘了你是递签不是面签.如果面签你可以根据当时的情景来尽情抒发你对德国对你报的学校的热情.那应该是APS时候的事.现在是要让签证处的人知道你的"动机".
直接写出你从入境到学校,到毕业,的生活,学习打算,而不必费那么多口水来抒情.文章的性质不一样.猫猫已经列出来了动机要写的基本东西,把那些东西写清楚,连贯上就行了.

毛明志

谢谢楼上的建议！我写动机信的时候是按照下面的建议来写的：

出国的动机信，一般是申请学校和签证的时候需要的东西

首先自我介绍，语言简短，然后叙述你在国内的学习情况，然后写你为什么要去荷兰，陈述你的原因，最好有说服力，另外，介绍下你的爸爸妈妈都从事什么样的工作，以用来证明你出国在那边可以提供的经济担保问题，最后，一定要写你学完了一定会回国，这点很重要，说明学完回国的简单计划．


因为还不了解那儿的情况，且要修的有关课程还不清楚，对于在德国的计划及日程安排只能算是一个大概，而且好多还不好在动机信中写出，比如旅游啊之类的，呵呵，我想了想，觉得动机信也就是要说明你去那儿的原因，这种原因的真实性及可靠度，能够让人感觉到你是去那打工或长久居留的，所以我在动机信中把原因说了很多，当然，这只是我一个人的推想而已，我会接受你的意见，再想想，修改一下，非常感谢！

milanboyni

[QUOTE=毛明志]RESUME

[RIGHT]Class 05940712
Logistics School
XXXXXXXXX University
Beijing, 101149
P. R. China  
E-mail: mmtiger2008@163.com
Tel: +86(10) XXXXXXXX
Mobile Phone: +86-XXXXXXXX[/RIGHT]


BASIC PERSONAL INFORMATION
Family Name: XXX
First Name: XXX
Date Of Birth: 11 Aug, 1986
Sex: male
Marital Status: single
Birthplace: Pengzhou city, Sichuan Province, P.R. China
Nationality: Chinese
Place Of Residence: Beijing
Health: Excellent

EDUCATION
09.2005 ---- present  XXXXXXXXX University
Logistics School
Major: Logistics Management
Degree: Candidate for Bachelor of Management
Honors: Commissary in charge of studies
University Scholarships for one year
09.1999 ---- 07.2005  XXXXXXX Middle School (a combined junior and senior high school)
Honors:  Class President
Three Goods Student
Outstanding Student Cadre
09.1993 ---- 07.1999  XXXXXXX Second Central Primary School
Three Goods Student
09.1992 ---- 07.1993  in kindergarden
08.1986 ---- 09.1992  stay at home

LANGUAGES
Sichuan Dialect: Native speaker
Chinese (Putonghua or Mandarin): Excellent
English:  CET6. Fluente in oral English
German: Novices. I am studying on it right now.

ADDITIONAL PERSONAL INFORMATION
1.        Hobbies include:
Sports: Basketball
Literature: Chinese classic literature

2.        I am a frequent user of Microsoft Word, Microsoft Excel and Microsoft Powerpoint.


Personal Statement（motivation letter ）


Motivation  Letter

[RIGHT]Class 05940712
Logistics School
XXXXXXXXX University
Beijing, 101149
P. R. China  
E-mail: mmtiger2008@163.com
Tel: +86(10) XXXXXXXX
Mobile Phone: +86-XXXXXXXX[/RIGHT]

To whom it may concern:

Germany is great, as well as its people. Among the celebrities in the history of German, Ludwig van Beethoven is my favorite with no doubt. He was a man of strong will, and still sang the praises of happiness even when he was ,by himself, endured the sadness and hurts that one cannot imagine today. I am always motivated by his incomparable spirit, and that’s why I keep my way whenever difficulties or, maybe worse, disasters happen to me. He is my hero, and the origin of my courage and confidence.

And today, I am very happy to seize the chance to study in Germany for half an year more or less. I really appreciate that my university gave me the precious opportunity to look into the great land and its people in close distance. And I also find that Berufsakademie Loerrach, where I will study in Germany, is a good place to study, especially to my major, Logistic Management. Its Department of Forwarding, Transport and Logistics was founded in 1982, having a history as long as ours. Due to its geographical location in the 3-border area of Germany, Switzerland and France and the number of forwarding, transport and logistics companies in the area, Loerrach is an ideal location for an industry that has traditionally had an international focus. Due to this fact they have attracted logistics students from all over Germany and the neighbouring countries, and now, as well as we Chinese logistics students.

Besides the advantages of its geographical location, the way of teaching in Berufsakademie Loerrach attracts me as well. Generally speaking, as I find in the quotation from Céline Levasseur, a French student:
"I appreciate my time spent at the University of Cooperative Education in Loerrach. Practical and theoretical semesters are well-coordinated and subject matter is taught with an orientation to real-time practice. Small classes make a concentrated and cooperative learning experience possible. Students and professors are friendly and help out with any language problems that arise." I do appreciate the methods of teaching, and I do believe it will help me a lot in conversion speculative knowledge to practical ability. I am looking forward to the conversion very much.

The competition in future will be at international level and enterprises need employees with global vision. I really believe the experience in Berufsakademie Loerrach will open an gate which leads me to a better understanding on logistics, and global economy. It will play an important role in my career life. Furthermore, it will have a long sustained effect on my life. So my family and I both cherish the hard-won opportunity and want to make it. And my family will offer powerful financial support for me to complete the program.

Finally, I promise I will be back to china within the stipulated time. Beethoven is not a liar, nor am I. And then I will prepare for my diploma paper and find a job in china where I was born and love deeply.

Sincerely,
XXX XXX[/QUOTE]




If I am too straight, please give me your forgiveness.

Honestly, the first part of your CV just likes a translation of the one in Chinese version.

Your motivation sounds like a letter to describe your idol and your school, but I could not see much about yourself from it.

How do you like it?

毛明志

[QUOTE=milanboyni]If I am too straight, please give me your forgiveness.

Honestly, the first part of your CV just likes a translation of the one in Chinese version.

Your motivation sounds like a letter to describe your idol and your school, but I could not see much about yourself from it.

How do you like it?[/QUOTE]



噢，真的吗？不过首先谢谢你，我自己不确定，所以贴在这里，请大家帮帮忙看看，谢谢！看来我写的跟我想表达的还是很有一段差距啊！我是想通过描述我即将去的学校，以及我欣赏她的地方，来使大使馆的官员确信我过去是冲着那所学校读书去了，不是随便找一所，只要能去德国就行的这种想法，可能我把这些写的大多了吧。。。。但是对于去那儿的计划，根本没有具体的，现在好像只能胡诌了？。。。。。非常感谢！

milanboyni

[QUOTE=毛明志]噢，真的吗？不过首先谢谢你，我自己不确定，所以贴在这里，请大家帮帮忙看看，谢谢！看来我写的跟我想表达的还是很有一段差距啊！我是想通过描述我即将去的学校，以及我欣赏她的地方，来使大使馆的官员确信我过去是冲着那所学校读书去了，不是随便找一所，只要能去德国就行的这种想法，可能我把这些写的大多了吧。。。。但是对于去那儿的计划，根本没有具体的，现在好像只能胡诌了？。。。。。非常感谢！[/QUOTE]




就我来看，最重要的不是学校怎么样，你是不是经过认真选择了，等等，这些应该是很明显的事情，不满意的话你肯定不会去。重要的是你自己的计划，你为什么要出国留学，这个program跟你以前的学习或者工作乃至人生经验有什么关联，学完之后你想干什么，诸如此类。

我觉得VO应该更关心你的这些事情，你觉得呢？

milanboyni

[QUOTE=毛明志]谢谢楼上的建议！我写动机信的时候是按照下面的建议来写的：

出国的动机信，一般是申请学校和签证的时候需要的东西

首先自我介绍，语言简短，然后叙述你在国内的学习情况，然后写你为什么要去荷兰，陈述你的原因，最好有说服力，另外，介绍下你的爸爸妈妈都从事什么样的工作，以用来证明你出国在那边可以提供的经济担保问题，最后，一定要写你学完了一定会回国，这点很重要，说明学完回国的简单计划．


因为还不了解那儿的情况，且要修的有关课程还不清楚，对于在德国的计划及日程安排只能算是一个大概，而且好多还不好在动机信中写出，比如旅游啊之类的，呵呵，我想了想，觉得动机信也就是要说明你去那儿的原因，这种原因的真实性及可靠度，能够让人感觉到你是去那打工或长久居留的，所以我在动机信中把原因说了很多，当然，这只是我一个人的推想而已，我会接受你的意见，再想想，修改一下，非常感谢！[/QUOTE]



另外，介绍下你的爸爸妈妈都从事什么样的工作，以用来证明你出国在那边可以提供的经济担保问题。。。

我觉得这个也不重要，这些应该是财产证明相关的事情，跟留学理由无实质性联系。
当然，如果你爸妈的工作对你有很大影响，让你立志做某件事情，我觉得可以稍微陈述一下，不然，这种陈述并无存在的必要性。

毛明志

嗯，楼上说得有一定道理，我对于动机信是有些望文生义了。。。只是，具体的计划实在没有，我们现在连到那儿去具体学什么也不知道，只知道跟专业相关，具体课程还未知晓，写这个计划就显得勉强了些。。。

谢谢！

jintiao

[QUOTE=臭臭笨笨]:chijing: 写机动不是GRE写作,孰我直言.楼主的机动信我基本没耐心看.别忘了你是递签不是面签.如果面签你可以根据当时的情景来尽情抒发你对德国对你报的学校的热情.那应该是APS时候的事.现在是要让签证处的人知道你的"动机".
直接写出你从入境到学校,到毕业,的生活,学习打算,而不必费那么多口水来抒情.文章的性质不一样.猫猫已经列出来了动机要写的基本东西,把那些东西写清楚,连贯上就行了.[/QUOTE]
我是真不知道这个“从入境到学校,到毕业,的生活,学习打算”该怎么写啊，我的打算就是上课，考试，presentation，论文，拿学位，这还能有什么新鲜的打算啊。

summermomo

个人意见：结合你以前学过的东西，和到德国即将学到的知识，谈谈希望自己有怎样的提高。然后个自己的学习做的计划，比如第一年做什么，结合课程，说说可以学到什么知识，得到怎样提高。第二年。。。。。再表表决心呗，认真上课，争取高分，顺利毕业。。。这样应该可以了吧，把那些课程名字和内容写进去，还是很占字数的。还有对于楼主language里面的Sichuan Dialect,表示-_-11汗一个。。。。

xiaoshagua

楼主，刚刚看了你的Motivation，觉得太泛泛而谈了，注意要结合自身的实际情况，德国人还是挺务实的不喜欢花里胡哨的措辞。就像楼上说的，把计划具体落实到时间上，第一年，第二年做些什么。

xiaoshagua

补充一下：楼主的文笔还是不错地

zengmaoyan

开头排马屁也太明显了嘛，应该是突出德国在这个专业上的优势何在，而不是盲目的喜欢德国，德国人。再说德国人也没啥好喜欢的

lilyurey

[QUOTE=zengmaoyan]开头排马屁也太明显了嘛，应该是突出德国在这个专业上的优势何在，而不是盲目的喜欢德国，德国人。再说德国人也没啥好喜欢的[/QUOTE]
恩，这么个开头可不行

小梧桐

LZ的简历连三好学生和班长也写，太厉害了 :shaxiao: